OUR BEACH VS THEIR BEACH

 THEIR BEACH

OUR BEACH

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, OR IN A BAR, CHURCH OR ANYWHERE

BRIDE RUNS AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY

There was confusion in Delta state in Nigeria  yesterday, Saturday October 29, as a wedding reception ended half-way, when the bride stormed out of the programme venue saying she was not interested in the union anymore. Dailypost reports that the bride, who ran away from the reception venue, was followed by the husband in an effort to bring her back and save face. The incident, which occurred at ‎Udu local government area of the state, created serious scene in the area. The husband was seen begging the bride to reconsider her decision just at the popular Orhunwhorhun road, while a large crowd watched.

IF THIS IS SWAG, THEN MIREMBE SHOULB BE SHUT DOWN

IS THIS SWAG OR WHAT THE HELL............?

HOW A YOUNG MAN ENDED UP IRONING ARMY UNIFORMS

Two young men were walking down the street in an expensive neighbourhood, they passed a beautiful woman who signalled them. One day decided to answer the signal, the other told him it was a trap. The other young man just left his friend and told him,'Trap or no trap its better to die of sweetness'. Soon he was off holding the lady's soft hand lady. The poor young man could not believe his luck after entering the lady's expensive house, and he was told to take off his shirt and relax. Just as he though of taking off his trousers, there was a knock on the door. The woman looked shocked and she said, 'Thats my husband, take the iron and pretend you are ironing the clothes'. The husband came in , wearing army uniforms, kissed his wife and asked , 'Who is this?' The wife answered, 'Oh him, he is just a boy I hired to come and iron our clothes' And so the poor young man ironed all the clothes, after finishing the lady gave him 2 thousand shillings and thanked him.
The poor guy ran straight to his friend and told him what had happened. His friend said I warned you. I knew it. All the clothes you ironed today, were washed by me yesterday.

YOUR NAME IS ON THE COVER

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the sheep. "Your name is written inside the cover." 

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED THE DAY THE PRIEST RETIRED

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."...

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

YOU KNOW YOU ARE OLD WHEN......

You know you're old when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you see is your teeth smiling at you while in a glass on you're bedside night table.

PAY UP YOUR DEBTS ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN

Jane sat on  her bed angry and frustrated, she had just dialed Amina's number for the 100th time and it was not being picked. The problem was that Amina had taken three pairs of expensive shoes and several new dresses from Jane's shop, and she was supposed to have paid for them weeks ago, but she just went underground. She didn't respond to text messages and she obviously ignored calls. Jane was getting desperate, she needed the money to continue her newly launched venture of selling Chinese made clothes.
Then an idea crossed her mind. She sent the following text message, 'Hi Amina I am not calling for the money, I just wanted to tell your husband did a shameful thing today. 2 girls were fighting over your sweetheart in town today,the fight ended when  one girl ran away and your husband got into a taxi with the winner and headed straight for a nearby hotel'. Then things warmed up, Jane's phone started ringing, it was Amina. Jane ignored the many calls that followed, until a text arrived, followed by several, they were all questions, 
'Where was the fight?', 
'Do you know the girl my husband left with?',
 'Where did they go?'
 This was again followed by a number of calls which Jane ignored, until a new text message arrived, 'Honey I have your money where can we meet?'. That's when Jane answered, ' Sorry my sweet friend, I was a bit busy, send me the money, I will use that to get a taxi and pick you up and we will go to confront your unfaithful husband'. Seconds later a text message confirmed that money sent to Jane's account. It was twice the amount owed.  That's when Jane switched off her phone and went to have her beauty sleep

WHERE WERE YOU DURING THE RIOT?

My dad called me when he heard there was a riot in my school...
Dad: Hello son, where are you?
Me: My hostel.
Dad: Good, I heard there is riot. Don't go out, don't follow them, you know your family background, stay in your room. You hear me?
Me: Okay Dad....
(Dad calls back five minutes later)
Dad: My son, what caused the riot?
Me: They increased our school fees from 3,000,000 shillings to 600,000,000 shillings. Our vice Chancellor said its time for CHANGE.
Dad: Where are you now?
Me: In my room.
Dad: What! Are you mad? Why are you not with the others?
Me: But dad...
Dad: Shut up and join them, carry matchet!! Carry anything...!!! Go go go you stupid fool

THATS WHAT THE NEWSPAPERS SAID NOT ME

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

THE following conversation ensued between Juma and his boss:

Boss : Juma, I saw you arguing with the customer

that just left. I have told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?

Juma : (Shouts) Yes sir!, the customer is always right.

Boss : So what were you arguing about?

Juma : He was saying you are a moron and an idiot,  sir!

MY UNCLE HAS BEEN ELECTED HEAD OF YELLOW FEVER MANAGEMENT PROJECT

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN.

WOMEN.....
At 18, they want handsome men.
At 25, they want successful men.
At 30, they want sensible men.
At 40, they want mature men.


MEN
At 18, they want pretty young girls.
At 25, they want pretty young girls.
At 30, they want pretty young girls.
At 40, they want pretty young girls.
At 50, they still want pretty young girls.

See... Men are so simple minded.

Copyright, royalty collection and music piracy in Tanzania

This text provides an overview of music royalty collection in Tanzania, tracing its history from before the country’s independence until the present day, looking in particular at the steps put in place by government, how these actions have been implemented, and the challenges that musicians face in earning royalties.  CONTINUE

MR T LEAVE OUR DEMOCRACY ALONE

This is not fair, I am going to tell our African leaders to come together and protest in the UN, better still start our own International Criminal Court. Mr. T should stop stealing our inventions. All Africans for once lets team up and protest. You see lets go back in time. We were once peaceful people being ruled by Chiefs and Kings, then the white man came and said you people are primitive, you don’t know democracy. You should have democracy so that anyone can be a leader. Just imagine even those that were not chosen by the Gods can now be leaders, ABOMINATIONNNN. With our chiefs we did not have a problem, the chief was chosen by the Gods and when he died his son took over, nobody complained, until the white man came with his democracy thing. So he used the gun and we had no choice but start using democracy. Of course we made small changes to suit our African life. We made sensible changes

i.             Democracy is working only when you win elections

ii.          When your opposite wins, he must have rigged the voting system.

iii.       If you loose elections go to court,

iv.        THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN LOOSE ELECTIONS.

Now this is an African discovery, the question is why is Mr. T using our discovery without acknowledging the original author? Does his country not respect intellectual property? Mr T unless you can prove that you have some African DNA in you, if you win this election by using our discovery we will sue you in our newly made. AC&DC Court, the Africa Criminals and Democratic Criminals Court

WHAT IS THE REAL STRESS

You stop your car and pick up a beautiful girl who asks for a lift, suddenly she loses consciousness in your car, and you have to take her to a nearby hospital. Now this is STRESS! After a few tense minutes, a nurse comes out smiling widely and congratulates you, saying your wife has given birth to healthy baby boy. You try to explain that you have nothing to do with the baby, the nurse tell you that you must be married because that's what all men married men say when they impregnate innocent young girls. You are now really STRESSED. So you say you are ready for any test to prove that you are not the father. After the test the nurse comes back wit the results and says, 'I am sorry sir you can't be the father since you
are genetically sterile, forgive me'. This is a STRESS, combined with a relief. You leave the hospital smiling, suddenly it hits you, that you have three kids. That's
what the REAL STRESS is.  What do you do or say
to your wife when you get home?

EXCUSE ME, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE MESSAGE

A group of men gathered at a church
seminar on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men were
asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All
the men raised their hands. Then they were
asked, "When was the last time you told your
wife you love her ?" Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to take
their mobile phones and send the following text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart...
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife's reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again ?
2. That was then, not now
3. No I don't have any more money
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is
actually for, don't come back today
9. How many times have I told you to stop drinking?
10. Excuse me, who is this? I think you have sent a message to wrong number
11. Please don't send such messages to this number my husband might see it, I will give you a different number

POLICE IN HANDCUFFS? WHAT THE............

IT is not everyday that you see a POLICEMAN in handcuffs being led to a police station by a man wearing civilian clothing. This is very un-African hahahahaha. It is claimed that this policeman look alike stole the uniforms and began harassing civilians. But was soon caught when someone noticed he wasn't wearing police shoes and the end came quickly

THE HAUNTED MOTORCYCLE AT TEMEKE

This Chinese made Fokon motorcycle  with registration number T 684 CJZ  has been left out in the street for a year now. It was parked by someone when it was brand new and the person has never been seen since. But the story behind it is quite strange.The bike is parked at Mganga Veterinary Motorcycle stop in Temeke Dar es Salaam. No one wants to touch it even the police have failed to move the motorbike from the spot. It is said if you just went near the bike or touched it, it would switch itself on. This has since scared everyone. Motorcyclists who use the stop reported to the police about the bike. The police got scared because of the way the bike behaved. The policemen from a police post nearby informed the District police station and even they could do nothing about it. No one knows the owner of the bike,it is now believed that the bike is controlled by dark forces. It seems no one knows the real story behind this bike.
This story was reported by

www. habari za jamii.com

GUITARIST OMARI KUNGUBAYA BURIED TODAY

THE  accoustic guitarist Omary Kungubaya has been buried this afternoon at Njeteni Kwembe. The funeral was attended by a lot of people who included neighbours, musicians, music lovers, friends and relatives.

Preparations for the burial outside the deceased's house

Veteran musician  Mjusi Shemboza talking to one of the Late Kungubaya's sons.

Mjusi Shemboza with the retired head of the Tanzania Copyright Society- COSOTA Mr Mtetewaunga

The burial

DONALD TRUMP FUNNY VIDEOS-WHAT YOU MISSED

DEAR AMERICA, WELCOME TO AFRICAN POLITICS

VOTE RIGGING? REFUSING TO CONCEDE? THAT'S OUR STYLE. ITS GREAT TO SEE YOU HAVE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHY WE DO IT....WELCOME TO THE WORLD

PICTURES THAT WILL CLEAR YOUR NOSE

One Last Shouting Match: Trump’s Best Moments From The Final Debate — The Annual

Chris Wallace: Welcome to the third and final presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton– Donald Trump: Before we go any further, I just want to go on the record that I am drug free. I urinated in a cup before we started and I had the best, cleanest urine. Clear. Like water. You could […]

via One Last Shouting Match: Trump’s Best Moments From The Final Debate — The Annual

A BAD HOMBRE SEEN IN TANZANIA

THIS GUY BELOW IS A BAD HOMBRE

YOU WANT TO PUT UP AN EVENT? DON'T MISS THIS

GUITARIST OMARY KUNGUBAYA IS NO MORE

VETERAN MUSICIAN COSMAS CHIDUMULE LEFT, WITH A HAND ON THE LATE OMARI KUNGUBAYA'S SHOULDER.

Omari Kungubaya a veteran accoustic guitarist passed away this afternoon (20/10/2016), after a long troubled health. Kungubaya will be fondly remembered by the elder generation of Tanzanians for his song Salamu za Wagonjwa which was a signal tune for a Radio Tanzania program which allowed sick people in hospital to give greetings. Funeral arrangements are being made at his home at Njeteni, Mbezi Kimara in Dar es Salaam. We will be prviding the latest news as it comes. 
May his soul Rest in Peace Amen

WHEN YOU ASK TRUMP 'WHAT IS 2+2?'

ME: Sir what is 2+2?
TRUMP: I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is.  We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine.
Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s.  Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you. First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2.  It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number.  You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it.  A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that.  He's a nice guy but he's like, "10101000101", on and on, like that. He's like a computer!  You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them.  TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them,  they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me.  You wouldn't believe it. That I can tell you. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright. Thank you."

WATCHING TV

I NEED ADVICE PLEASE I LOVE HER

Please I need advice immediately.  I have a girlfriend. She is 21, while I am 25. She has two mobile phones which I bought her, a samsung J5 and an iPhone 6,  while I am using Nokia torch. I bought the phones for her because I love her so much. I send her 1000/- credit to her phones everyday but she doesn't call me. She only flashes me when she needs something She always calls this other guy and  she says she loves him and will marry him. When I ask her about it she says he is who she was calling, she always says she is just joking. She has never ever visited my house and she doesn't allow me to visit her house. Whenever I want to hug her she would shout at me harshly. . What should I do? Should I increase the recharge card I buy for her  5000/-  everyday? or should I buy another iphone 7 for her and ipad for her too? I know that she loves me very much. ? Advise me pliz??

THIS IS WHAT YOU MISSED AT THE MARAHABA SWAHILI MUSIC FESTIVAL