Wednesday, November 30, 2016

GREAT MARRIAGE PHOTOS FOR THE UNMARRIED, CHOOSE A STYLE FOR YOUSELF







TANZANIAN NEWSPAPERS THURSDAY 1 DECEMBER







DID YOU PASS YOUR NURSERY SCHOOL LEAVING EXAMINATION?

TO ALL EMPLOYEES OF LAUGHTZ BLOGSPOT,TAKE NOTE
 ALL THOSE WHO COMPLETED STANDARD SEVEN WITHOUT HAVING EVER JOINED NURSERY SCHOOL, YOUR CERTIFICATES ARE AS OF NOW, NULL AND VOID. I WILL PERSONALLY CHECK EACH AND EVERY CERTIFICATE. SO IF YOU DIDN'T PASS THROUGH NURSERY SCHOOL , PLEASE DO SO IMMEDIATELY AND MAKE SURE YOU RESIT NURSERY SCHOOL LEAVING EXAMINATION. AND ONLY IF YOU PASS WILL YOU BE ILLEGIBLE TO SIT FOR STANDARD FOUR EXAMINATION AND ONLY OF YOU PASS THAT EXAM WILL YOU BE ALLOWED TO RESIT FOR YOUR STANDARD SEVEN EXAMS.MARK MY WORDS I AM NOT JOKING OHOOOOO

WITCHES ARE STILL AT WORK BEWARE


NOW if you are a poor African boy like me, you know that witches play an important part of your destiny. What I hate about these guys is they only bring bad luck on people they know. If you come from the same village with a witch or live in the same house or street, or if you are related in one way or the other, only then will they want to get you. I hate the tactics that they use to bring disasters. If you have made some money through a deal or maybe you have received your retirement benefit, and you start asking around for advice from friends and relatives, on what would be the best business for you, if you unfortunately a witch gets a hint that you have come into money, they would give you what you might think is a great advice. 'Son buy a car and make it a taxi' or ' Start a tomato farm my son, its going to bring you a lot of money' or maybe 'Start a pub, people love drinking you will make a lot of money'. Two months after buying a taxi, it will get into a nasty accident, wrecking the the car completely. A month after starting the pub you become the best customer of your own pub, drinking your self to poverty. The year you start your tomato farm is when the price of tomatoes gets to the lowest in ten years. This is not a coincidence, it is the witches at work believe me. Yesterday something happened to me that again is a proof these terrible people are still busy. I woke up with only 1000/-in my pocket. My stomach was rumbling with hunger, I went to a nearby, 'Mama Ntilie Banda'. I ordered a cup of tea, one chapati and a bowl of beans, that would cost me 500/- and I would be okay for the morning. The 500/- change was enough for transport to go to the city center to try my luck looking for  something that would pay. While sipping my tea, my eyes catch sight of a 1000/- note some one had dropped. I quietly and expertly pulled it with my toes and stepped on it. God is good suddenly I was 1000/- richer. So I ordered another round of what I was eating. I picked the 1000/- note from under my foot and paid up. I got on to a bus and headed for the city center. My whole world crashed when the conductor asked for his fare. I searched in every pocket and I didn't have a cent. Then it hit me, the money I thought somebody else had dropped at 'Mama Ntilie's' was actually my own money. This was obviously the work of witches, I cursed them tears running down my cheeks, I awaited for my fate.

PLEASE READ THIS, DO NOT IGNORE

1.WELL I need to tell you a secret; look at 5.
2. The answer is.... look at 11.
3. Don't get mad, look at 15.
4. Calm down don't be mad, just take a glimpse at 13.
5. First look at 2.
6. Dont be that angry look at 12.
7. I just wanted to say you will never face poverty in your life..If you have time,
comment AMEN!
8. Oops. . ! It seems What I wanted to tell you
is.. THE ANSWER IS ON 14.
9. Be patient look at 4.
10. This is the last time I am going to do this
look at 7.
11. I hope you are not mad when I say this; look at 6.
12. Oh damn it. . Sorry look at 8.
13. Dont get mad, look at 10.
14. I dont know how to say this but please bear with me and look at 3.
15. You must be really upset by now but look
at number 9

Saturday, November 26, 2016

FIDEL CASTRO IS NO MORE

Fidel Castro,  has died. He was 90.
The former leader died at 10:29 p.m. Friday local time, his brother President Raul Castro, said on state media Nov. 25. He will be cremated early on Saturday. Tanzanians will remember Fidel for a number of things Cuba did for this country during his era
May the Lord forgive his sins and give him eternal peace Amen



Thursday, November 24, 2016

SIR I HAVE LOST MY WIFE..............



TANZANIAN NEWSPAPERS TODAY 25 NOV 2016
















Mugabe's Wife Announces Herself As President... to take over from her husband

First lady of Zimbabwe, Grace Mugabe, has declared herself the new president that would take over as Robert Mugabe is finally set to step down due to old age.

Grace Mugabe said to the ruling Zanu-PF party women’s league that she is already the president, as she has made plans and arrangement with her husband, Robert Mugabe.
Grace’s announcement comes after the President announced that he is working towards his retirement as the president.

Mugabe made the shocking announcement to veterans, who came to solidify their support for him. He admitted that Zimbabwe is apparently in a financial crisis – which spells doom for the citizens and the country at large.

According to reports, Mashonaland West Zanu-PF women’s league chairperson Angeline Muchemeyi said Grace, who has been the Zanu-PF women’s league secretary since 2014, told them that there was no point for her fighting to be vice president, a lesser position, when she is already in-charge.

"The First Lady said 'I'm the wife of the president, I’m the president already..."

HILLARY CLINTON POPULAR VOTE LEAD BY 2 MILLION

Donald Trump’s key aide Kellyanne Conway has mocked Hillary Clinton supporters for not accepting the presidential election results in a Thanksgiving morning tweet.
“Look who ‘can’t accept the election results’ Hillary Clinton Supporters Call for Vote Recount in Battleground States,” Conway tweeted even as donations to the Green party candidate Jill Stein’s effort to fund a recount in the battleground state of Wisconsin surpassed $3m.
Conway’s provocation came as Clinton’s lead in the popular vote has narrowly surpassed 2 million votes, according to reports.......continue HERE

HOW AMERICANS TAKE PHOTOS


Wednesday, November 23, 2016

THE MAN WHO STILL DOESN'T KNOW THE ELECTION RESULTS IN USA

A man in Brunswick, Georgia, has elected to not find out who won the election. Joe Chandler went to bed on election night not knowing if the winner was Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump.


“I was invited to an election party to stay up into the night with everybody gnawing their nails, hanging on and I thought, ‘Oh, there has to be a better way,” he told Fox 5 Atlanta.

Chandler decided to go to sleep before results were in, intending to find out the winner in the morning.

When he woke up feeling peaceful, he decided to wait until the afternoon. Then he decided to hold off as long as possible.

“Having subtracted myself from this political fracas and all of the mayhem of the digital media, I kind of found the center of the cyclone, it is very peaceful in my bubble of ignorance,” Chandler said.


To ensure that bubble doesn’t pop before he’s ready, Chandler has avoided newspapers, TV and the internet.

When he goes outside, he wears headphones so he doesn’t overhear any presidential news.

Chandler also asks others to help him continue his ostrich-like approach to the election by wearing a sign that reads, “I don’t know who won, and don’t want to. PLEASE DON’T TELL ME.”


“I divert my gaze from newspaper boxes … I don’t venture out very often, and when I do I wear my headphones and my sign, and people have been very respectful of my decision,” Chandler told the “Today Show.” Chandler knows his blissful ignorance can’t last forever.

As he told Atlanta TV station WXIA: “I’d like to make it to 2020, but I’ll be lucky to make it to [tomorrow],” he said.

FROM HUFFINGTON POST

JUST WAIT AND SEE THEIR NEIGHBOURS


On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of bears and eagles, beautifully sparkling lakes bountiful with trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so that the inhabitants will prosper. I shall call these inhabitants "Canadians", and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
     "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
     "Not really," replied God. "Just wait and see the neighbors I'm going to give them.

WHAT'S AN AMERICAN?


What do you call a person who professionally generates maps of the world?
    A cartographer.

What do you call an academician who studies the global distribution of resources or cultural characteristics?
    A geographer.

What do you call a person who is ignorant of global geography?
    An American.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

SCHOOL FOR PROPHETS? WONDERS SHALL NEVER CEASE


WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

After a heavy lunch you are relaxing on your bed in the small single room that you have rented, suddenly there is a knock on your door, you wake up and head towards the door, you strike your toe against the edge of your wooden bed. The extreme pain causes you to fall and you hit the iron bucket full of water, splashing water all over the room. As you painfully try to stand up, you slip again knocking the rickety table where your small TV is perched it falls of the on to the floor giving you a couple of electric shocks. After all this you manage to struggle to the door and open it, a young man is standing there and he starts, 'Hello Sir sorry for the inconvenience I am from Madva Plastics we are selling plastic cups at a promotional prices.......' WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

HOW MANY STILL USE THESE FANTASTIC PENS?



Monday, November 21, 2016

PRIVATE MOBILE PHONES TO BE SWITCHED OFF DURING WORK HOURS AT TBA

NOW THIS MAKES SENSE, TAKE YOUR PRIVATE CALLS DURING YOUR PRIVATE TIME. WHY SHOULD YOU BE PAID SALARIES FOR CHATTING ON WHATSAPP OR FACEBOOK?

Thursday, November 17, 2016

WHO HAS THE MONEY?

I miss you
What the hell is happening? Everybody claims to be broke. No one is paying anyone. I have a friend who has to pay her employees salaries, she says she can't pay them cause the Government has not paid for service rendered since June 2015. And you can understand what is happening to the workers and their families. One of those workers has to pay me some money I borrowed her last year, which I expected her to pay me so I could pay my child's school fees. The school is going to send my child home in the next one week.
Who has the money?
 I haven't been paid by the guy who contracted me to paint his house, the money should have paid my rent, the landlord has tld me quite clearly he is expecting to be paid in time this year, and I don't even have a clue where I will get the money if I am not paid. And I now know I will not get paid soon.
 Who has the money?

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

JK CONFERS DEGREES TO 1,179 GRADUANTS OF DAR ES SALAAM UNIVERSITY COLLEGE OF EDUCATION (DUCE)


The Chancellor of University of Dar es Salaam (UDSM), who is also the former President of Tanzania (Udsm), Jakaya Kikwete confering a degree to the best student of DUCE, Haji Mohamed during the 9th Graduation ceremony of the college.
1,179 students graduated at the 9th Graduation ceremony of the Dar es Salaam University College of Education. 864 students received degrees in Bachelor of Arts Education  (B.A.Ed.), 52 students Bachelor of Education Arts, 73 in Bachelor of Education Science, 190 in Bachelor of Education Science Education (B.Sc.Ed.) wahitimu 190. (All photos  by RICHARD MWAIKENDA-KAMANDA WA MATUKIO BLOG- 0754 264203)